i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
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