It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
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