My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
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