Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
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