smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
Randomize