Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
Randomize
