I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
Randomize
