its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
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