Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
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