The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
Randomize
