This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
Randomize
