he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
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