i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
Randomize
