Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
Randomize
