apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
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