i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Randomize
