I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
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