I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
Randomize
