Don't be a dummy cum on the tummy. Make her a slut, and cum in her butt. Have no fear, jizz in her ear. Don't be a noob, cum on her boob. Forget her rack, blow on her back. Just take off your coat and jizz in her throat. And if she seals off her holes, cum in her rolls
is that a poem?!
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
Randomize
