It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
Randomize
