I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
in my opinion joe jonas is kinda pointless. hes just the pretty boy front runner.
Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
Randomize
