Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
Randomize
