The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
Randomize
