You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
Randomize
