You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
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