I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
Oral text is very safe with the right protection.
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
Randomize
