im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
Randomize
