I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
If it was for sex do you really think i would asking for a mass vote? I'm like fidel castro when it comes to sex. No public approval needed.
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
I need to calm my uterus...
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
Randomize
