TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
Everyone says I win the strip club
Never let your siblings swipe right.
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
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