they say Disney World is the happiest place on Earth. It's a close second to the Super 8 on route 18. That place holds some great memories.
Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
Randomize
