That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
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