My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
Randomize
