Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
Randomize
