My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
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