Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
Randomize
