He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Randomize
