The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
is it fun? or sober?
Randomize
