Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
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