I'm going to rape someone's good day.
Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
Randomize
