I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
Randomize
