his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
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