i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
He passed out mid-signature
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
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