If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
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