we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
Randomize
