Classy? Dude, she fucked 3 guys as part of a scavenger hunt
And?
We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
Randomize
