I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
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