How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
