so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
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