I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
Randomize
