DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
My vagina just recognized that song.
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
Randomize
