hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
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