Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
Randomize