he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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