haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
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