fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
My ATM looks so different sober.
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
Randomize
