Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
Randomize
