Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
No more Irish car bombs ever.
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
lol hangovers are for mortals.
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
Randomize
