So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
I could make wine with my vomit
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
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