jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
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