I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
Randomize
