If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize
