cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
well you can't waste a boner
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
Randomize
