You're completely useless in the revolution.
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
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