Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
Randomize
