Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
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