He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
Randomize