why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
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