You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
Randomize