I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
Randomize
