I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
Randomize
