What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
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