her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
