I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Randomize
