Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
going to class early so i have time to go on the moonbounce. this is why i go to art school.
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
Randomize
