Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
Randomize
