apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
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