we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
Randomize
