You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
Randomize
