Apparently you make a good broom.
She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
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